These Phrases given by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader failure to open up among men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."